The evolution of man (and woman) is lagging sadly in this modern age.

What began as a lively and fun discussion with my highly evolved boyfriend ended up inspiring the following rant when he mentioned a slang term known as a “man card” and I had to weigh in on society’s idiotic expectations for both genders. If you are an evolved person, you should end up smiling, nodding, or even muttering, “Darn straight!” However, if this rant ends up offending you, do yourself a favor and try to sort out why. Who knows? You may just end up evolving a little more.

Here goes….

I was issued a “woman card” as early as the seventh grade. It arrived in the form of being told by society that if I didn’t wear a specific brand of designer jeans, I’d be doomed to be marginalized forever in my school.

I’ve long since learned to ignore the card, but tucked it away as a keepsake of my unevolved past. What made me abandon society’s dictates? I grew up, experienced the futility of trying to be “good enough” for the in-crowd, and embraced my inner weirdo (nerd, geek … pick a label that makes you happy).

I also read the requirements on the back of the “woman card” and decided that most of them are either insane or just plain silly. I now disregard those “requirements” in favor of logical behavior.

However, the requirements on the back of the “man card” are often equally insane or silly. It’s a matter of how evolved one is, and these cards were voted in by a rather unevolved societal majority.

For an evolved female, an unevolved male is better shut down on sight before he can waste her precious time. Same goes for the reverse-gender situation. When the evolved of either gender attempts to date the unevolved, the result is similar to showing a double feature in which the movies are “Quest For Fire” and “Hamlet”: at some point, half of the audience is going to walk out.

Evolved persons (or those aspiring to be) have it extra tough in some areas. Society tries to tell a man that he must be a drunken, skirt-chasing jerk who treats women like edible trash in order to be “a man” (check the fine print on the back of the man card, it’s all there). Society tries to tell a woman that she must be a neurotic, clingy, hollow idiot who lives her life like she’s a bought accessory to a man, a baby factory, and catwalk-model-turned-hooker in order to be “a woman”.

For those of us who are evolved (regardless of gender), I thank God for our hard work, insight, and fortitude to become evolved. Now we can munch popcorn while pointing and laughing at the ridiculous fools who abide by society’s “rules” for gender-identity behaviors. Let them call us all the names they want – the barbs can’t fly far. In the end, we know who is having the better life.

Now we just have to kept finding each other and pairing up (and travel in packs) until we slowly become the dominant social norm: logical, respectful, brave, and possessing a vast array of social talents to stun and amaze those aflicted with an emotional deficit.

Our brains can string more words together than, “Hey, baby”, and our muscles can lift more important things than beer. We can stand on our own two feet (that’s the hind legs, folks) and when we chose a mate, we represent two whole and healthy people becoming one, instead of a pair of wounded or half-evolved neurotics attempting to. That’s a fine accomplishment – no matter what the cavemen and cavewomen think of it.